Last night I had a dream. I saw UN General Secretary Ban ki Moon has come to visit Kashmir. He is flanked by Indian Prime Minster Manmohan Singh and former CM of the State Ghulam Nabi Azad prompting an estimated 1 million people to take to streets to protest against Indian policies in Kashmir.
Many carried banners and placards calling the latter duo with some really bad names in Kashmiri.
"Welcome to Kashmir, Mr. General Secretary," Azad said, shaking Moon’s hand in Srinagar. "You are going to love it to be here. Your appreciation rating is much higher here than us. Kashmiris completely love you."
“Oh Yeah," Moon said.
The UN bigwig saw some placards reading ‘Ban Ki Moon didn’t come soon but his eye caught an old torn placard, probably used in several protests earlier that read: ‘No ban on Ban—Let Him Come.’
“May I know what has happened here before?” he asked Azad.
The General Secretary also sought the reason over why 1 million of people are rioting and calling Sing and Azad with bad names.
“I am afraid to see what they would do to you two if they loathed you so much," he said to his hosts.
"Don't take it the wrong way," Azad replied. "It's only 1 million Kashmiris. Rest of all love us absolutely. They are also going to vote for us to power. "
Another thing Moon realized was that most of the troopers have crossed their service ages as compared to protesters who are mostly young to which Azad explained that life expectancy rate of Kashmiris have gone down over the years, except for politicians. “Since we spend most of the time in New Delhi. And security forces in the valley rest assure things,” he said.
“Oh I see, Poor Kashmiris,” Moon shrugged.
Seeing the protesters getting angry, Moon said, “So you think you are safer in your own backyard and no one will harm you. Ha?"
"Very safe Mr Moon," Singh chipped in. "As long as we have two guns for every rioter."
Between the conversations, the visiting dignitary heard some loud chants in native language.
“Could you please interpret it for me” Moon said when he heard ‘Kathi Chue Sani Gobrau’.
“They are saying ‘where have all the sons gone’,” Azad replied.
“But where have all the sons gone?” Moon sought the answers.
Azad explained that most of them have crossed over LoC before the cross-LoC trade started and rest of them are seeking jobs in the Indian cities, without telling their parents.
“But our state police is quite active. All the youngmen would be chased up very soon,” Azad said.
The tallest among the troika scratched his skull as Azad winked his right eye towards the calm Turbanator.
After two days, in New Delhi, speaking to some Hindi news channels, Singh said that the reports of 1 million protestors were largely exaggerated.
"I am contradicting that 1 million people were on Srinagar streets," he said. “But it was a smaller section of youth who had some resentment.”
“Mr Singh, they were 1 million souls,” Moon tried to correct the Indian PM.
Azad replied quickly, “Mr Moon what looks like a million march to you is just a usual thing there. In an hour, two or three miscreants can assemble million-strong crowd in valley. You know what I mean, No?"
“O, that way every Kashmiri is a greatest convincer living. Isn’t it,” Moon replied, while Azad pulled back his chair feeling sullied, but he kept his smile till the end of press conference.
Among the protestors a 25-year-old resident of inner city, Nike Koatur, who had helped organize the rally was seemingly unhappy after the protest march.
He said that the protests would have been more successful if all banners and placards had been spellchecked.
Infact, one protestor, shown on a news channel, carried a sign that said, "We want Azad,”. And another displayed, "In Dependence-- only solution”. Also, one of the placards read,” Pebble site”.
“You see what they really intended to mean Mr Moon,” Singh said to the visiting personality.
And inspite the huge protests in valley, Moon's visit was framed as a big success that will consolidated India’s position at the international level.
“In honour of your last name, we have sent a mission to Moon,” Singh told Moon.
And after biding him the final good bye, Singh whispered in Azad’s ears, “Mission ‘Moon’ accomplished” while both guffawed to the top of their lungs.
Umarblogs is an irregular blogger. He writes a bimonthly humor column for his blog. He spends a lot of his time either at city saloons or at press colony among gossipers. Srinagar is where his taste for black tea grows stronger as his taste for Kashmir politics is eroded everyday. Feel free to reach him at www.umarblogs.blogspot.com
